So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
