I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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