There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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