i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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