You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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