I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
