I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
