I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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