it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
