Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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