he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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