Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i barfeds in our rink
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
