is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
