I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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