He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
