Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
