its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
