you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
