Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
