My cat gives me a boner
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Come on in and take your pants off
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