I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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