Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
