4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
