There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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