Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
