So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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