I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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