I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
