You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
