Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
