I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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