Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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