im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
