they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
