how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
