How'd it feel making her break her religion?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
