My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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