So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
