Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
