You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
