i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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