Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
