ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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