I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
