just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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