on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
