Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
