You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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