he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
