The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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