You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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