what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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