If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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