As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
