Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
