I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When are your genitals available?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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