AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
