Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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