Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she smelled like a LAN party
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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