I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
