just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
