i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You took a bar mat shot.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize